Birthing Baby Sage (Part 2)

Birth story continued. The harder parts. Now like I said, there were two things happening simultaneously. There was this – the placenta ordeal, and then there was the flooding of medical questions and directives. I had taken medication for the first time at this point and I had just given birth and someone was elbow deep trying to pull my placenta outside of my body.

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Birthing Baby Sage (Part 1)

Birth stories. They are all unique and bring beauty in different ways. All of the midwives knew my wishes were to not be stuck laboring in the hospital for hours on end and knew I wanted things as natural as could be. She gave me the option of settling into a room or going back home to labor for a few more hours. Because I was still feeling pretty good, we decided to drive back home and planned to labor in the shower or bed at home. On the walk out, I noticed my contractions getting stronger, but continued on to the van. We got out of the parking garage and started driving home.

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Exclusively Pumping: Not What I Intended, but What We Need.

Exclusively pumping was never in my plans. Those first couple nights in the hospital she wasn’t latching and she was hardly taking in any milk- it broke my heart. It broke my heart when I realized that the reason for this was that she had in undetected cleft palate that made it really hard for her mouth to make the motion necessary for successful breast-feeding. It didn’t take long before I realized that more than likely, we would never have that bonding experience I had dreamt of.

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How is Your Heart?

“How’s your heart" requires you to dig a little deeper and explore the condition of your heart toward yourself, towards others, and the world around you at the time. As I am anxiously awaiting to meet my daughter, my biggest question is--how is her heart?

For those of you who don’t know, at 18 weeks we learned that our little girl will have a heart defect requiring intervention and surgery.


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To the Mothers with Dreams Unseen

In the midst of all of that, I also find myself hurting for those days that didn’t come. To the mommas who dreamt about and visualized this day and it never came- my heart aches. For those who have been struck by infertility, for those who have lost both inside and outside of the womb, for those who have a hole in their heart where tragedy is so big and unfair- my heart aches.

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To My Daughter's Big Brother

As we prepare to transition from a family of 3 to a family of 4, I long for you to be confident in your place. I long for you to know how important of a role you play as your sister’s big brother. I desire for you to feel that our love for you is unconditional and unwavering. I long to still have our sweet moments just the two of us- to drift to sleep or to lay on the swing and look up through the trees. We will have those moments- I promise you.

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On Two years into Brand New Motherhood

As far as motherhood goes, well, I do just about as much guessing and self-doubting as I did when he was an infant… it just looks different in each season. Instead of worrying if he’s getting enough milk, I’m worrying about what he’s picking up off the ground to try to sneak into his mouth. Instead of worrying about him sleeping safely, I’m wondering how the hell to just get him to sleep without another epic battle. Instead of wondering when I’ll be able to get off the couch and not be nursing or holding him during a nap, I’m wondering how I can make him exhausted enough to settle down on the couch and cuddle with me.

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