To My Daughter's Big Brother
Oh my sweet son. Today we hung decorations and assembled areas for the baby sister coming soon. I can tell you know things are changing, but I don’t think you have an idea of to what magnitude they will. For over 2 years now, you’ve been the center of our world. You’ve taught me so much about myself. You’ve awakened a love and a joy and a passion and purpose I never knew before you. You are constantly teaching me about the world and what it means to soak it up. You have shown me the power of being present, letting your imagination run wild, laughing harder and smiling bigger. Don’t get me wrong, you’ve also brought out in me the need to extend my patience, take deeper breaths, and shrug off things I once thought were so important but just might not be after all. Being your mom has truly been the greatest joy I’ve ever experienced.
Now, they say my heart will grow bigger. Don’t worry, my boy, the space you’ve claimed in my heart and soul and life- they are yours. They will always be yours. Your sister- she’s creating new spaces in me too. Spaces I couldn’t and didn’t know were there until she came along. These spaces won’t replace yours or crowd them out, but will find themselves tucked in together like best buddies inside of me.
As I look forward to creating new memories as a family of 4- I will forever cherish who we have been as a family of 3. I will forever cherish you being the first child to keep me up at night, the first child whose spit up I proudly wore on my shirt, the first child to make me realize that sometimes you just have to go for a drive and pray for sleep. You were the first child to patter your little feet across the floor as you climbed up into mommy and daddy’s bed most every night. You were the first child to tell me elaborate stories in 2 year old details. You were the first child to grow inside of me and the first child I fed with the nourishment of my own body. You made me a mother and alongside your dad, we’ve done our best to help you grow into a sweet boy who will be an absolutely wonderful big brother.
Tonight as I laid beside you in bed, your eyelids fluttered as we read our bedtime stories. You wrapped your arm around my neck and chin as your rubbed my cheeks. I couldn’t help but to keep watching your sweet little face when you drifted off to sleep. The cheeks still plump with baby fat. The nose that looks like your dad’s. The bruise from yet another adventure. Those lips that give the world’s best kisses… I couldn’t help but tear up with the privilege it is to be your momma.
As we prepare to transition from a family of 3 to a family of 4, I long for you to be confident in your place. I long for you to know how important of a role you play as your sister’s big brother. I desire for you to feel that our love for you is unconditional and unwavering. I long to still have our sweet moments just the two of us- to drift to sleep or to lay on the swing and look up through the trees. We will have those moments- I promise you.
Oh sweet son, you are but 2 years old and in so many ways you are still learning and growing and it is my job to provide for, protect and guide you… but also in so many ways I admire and celebrate who you are and am proud to not only call you my son, but to call you my daughter’s big brother.